The Wii Strikes Again

You would think I would have learned my lesson the last time I ventured down this road, but alas I find myself again in the grips of broken self-esteem and tarnished self-image.

Caleb and Jacob got me a Wii Fit for Christmas, much to my pleasant surprise. I had mentioned on more than one occasion throughout the past year that I wanted one, but I had completely forgotten about it when it came time for Christmas lists and ideas. I was very touched that they would be so thoughtful as to think of such a gift.

Tonight I just happened to have the night off work and the house to myself, so I figured what better time to try out my new toy, right? I'm so grateful I chose to wait until I had the house to myself. This is not a game to be played in the company of others.

I turned the game on and it immediately prompted me to enter my age and height, after which I had to "step up on the scale" to find my weight and then calculate my BMI. This part wasn't so bad. I'm familiar with my current height, age, and weight... no surprises there. However, the screen proceeded to explain that we would now be testing my center of balance. The instructions on the screen were simple: Stand up straight on the board with your feet shoulder width apart and balance yourself.

Easy enough, right?

After a couple moments of mustering all of my best standing skills, the Wii politefully asked me to get off, and then less-politefully told me, "Looks like the Basic Balance Test isn't your forte. Do you find yourself tripping when you walk?"

I was slightly taken aback by the Wii's lack of tact, but not entirely offended. The truth is, I do find myself tripping when I walk. Often. At least now I can chalk it up to my poor center of balance.

Still holding my head up high, I continued to finish my initial Body Test. The point of the Body Test is to determine what your current Wii Fitness Age is. I felt pretty confident about my performance in each of the activities. In fact, I might go so far as to say I was feeling smug. Upon completion, the Wii makes quite a dramatic show, complete with drum roll, before revealing your score. My current Wii Fitness Age (drum roll please) : 43.

I don't mean to offend any 43 year olds that may be reading this. I'm sure you are all very fit for your youthful age. However, as a 23 year old, I am hurt.

I went on to check out some of the training exercises that the game has to offer, since I was clearly in desperate need of some work. There was a wide array of activities to choose from, none of which are appropriate to perform in front of other human beings. As I stood alone in my living room, zealously gyrating my hips in order to keep 5 imaginary hula hoops afloat while also lunging side to side to catch more as they were thrown my way, I became painfully aware of how foolish I must look should anyone be peering through my window right at that moment.

I was reminded of this all the more when I played the game called Bird's Eye Targeting (or something similar). The point of the game is to flap your wings as quickly as you can while leaning from side to side and trying to land on various targets on screen. I was having fun with it, until I leaned too far to one side and flipped the whole balance board out from under my feet. After crashing to the floor, despite all my best flapping, I decided to try something more mellow.

I moved onto the Yoga section of the game. Having never tried any sort of yoga in my life, I chose to start with the most basic of skills... breathing. The intructions were, again, seemingly simple: first inhale, next exhale. After 1-2 minutes of breathing along with the virtual trainer on screen, I was given my score. One out of five stars with a ranking if "Newcomer".

That's right, I'm a newcomer to the art of breathing.

I've made a mental note to thank the boys again for such an encouraging and uplifting gift.