Saturday, July 5, 2008

Elmo and the Obscene Tin Man

Ok, I know that I'm supposed to be writing about getting married and all that good stuff, but I'm sitting here with a free moment and a laptop, and just had to get this story into words before it faded from memory...

We've spent half of our trip in Santa Monica, CA. The other day Jason took me to Hollywood Blvd to see a movie at the Mann Chinese Theater. He used to live in this area while I have never been before, so it's a whole new experience for me. I am from Colorado, and have lived there my entire life. I know full well that a trip to Downtown Denver brings with it many strange sights and sounds, and a whole different breed of people that you will never find anywhere else. I've even experienced Boulder, CO. Those that have been there know that the term "different breed" doesn't even suffice in describing Boulderites. People are just weird up there. So, in all my extensive Denver/Boulder experience, I was sure I was prepared to take in that which is Hollywood.

I was wrong.

Outside the Mann Chinese Theater, there are people dressed in various different costumes and get-ups. There's Spiderman, Batman, Marilyn Monroe, Elmo, Buzz Lightyear, you name it. Most of them seem to be self-employed people, making their living by posing for photos and taking donations. As we were leaving the theater we noticed a large crowd of people forming and voices escalating. Naturally, we joined the crowd like the tourists we were.

We soon found that the main attraction was Capitan Jack Sparrow himself. He had been making balloon animals on the sidewalk when a group of break-dancers showed up with their equiment. Capitan Jack was occupying the only space around with an outside outlet, and the break dancers were requesting he move, since he required no outlet. Jack refused. At first the whole thing seemed like it may have been staged... The dancers started to dance cirlces about Jack, while he passionately fashioned balloon after balloon to throw at them. Then things started to escalate. Cuss words flew, punches were thrown, at one point a dancer threw Jack's wig into oncoming traffic, and Jack threw him in after it. As the fight reached it's climax, a homeless woman that had to have been at least 90 spotted Elmo approaching. Her eyes lit up; beit with relief or fear, I'm not sure. She raced down the street toward him with all the fury her frail legs could muster shouting, "Elmo! Elmo! Come help!"

Sure enough, Elmo obliged and ran to join the crowd. Being the voice of reason we all know him to be, he stepped between Jack and the dancers. We will never know what he uttered to Jack Sparrow that day, but after a short embrace he and Jack walked away from the commotion arm in arm. Thank God for the sweet old woman who thought to seek help from our furry red friend.

As the crowd dissapated, and I started to mull over the events I had just witnessed, I was approached by the Tin Man himself. In a deep, grizzley voice he asked me for a light. I apologized and told him I didn't smoke. He muttered some very unthinkable words under his breath and moved on.

I miss Denver.


Annabella said...

WOW Mol! WOW! What a trip you are having! I can't wait to hear more!

Angie said...

Oh my gosh, Molly. You are too, too funny!

First, I lived in Boulder for 5 years and now live just outside Boulder. But I'll let your offensive comments slide. (Kidding - I agree 110%. I feel like an outsider here because I'm just so totally normal. Right? RIGHT?!)

Secondly, I've been to the Mann Theater, and the scene you described was perfect! And so accurate! It's one of the weirdest places I've ever been and strangely scary.

Your post was hilarious. You had me rolling! And that picture at the end was the icing on the cake!

(Now how about that wedding?!)