Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Restroom Etiquette 101

Ok, so I debated for a while about just how personal I should get when it comes to publicly blogging. With the following statement, I will take one giant step closer to exposing the true whims and passions of my heart…

I hate when people talk to me in public restrooms.

I use “hate” for lack of a stronger word. Other ones that may have worked include loathe, detest, and abhor. Now, I’m not too keen on public restrooms to begin with. Not so much for sanitation reasons, more for privacy reasons. I don’t like that people can see my feet while I’m in the stall (I also have a small phobia when it comes to my feet, but that is due a post of its own). I don’t like that most stalls are poorly assembled, leaving gaping cracks through which anyone can peer. I don’t know who would, but I’m sure some do. I don’t like that people can hear me pee. In fact, when I’m at a friend’s house using the restroom, I purposely run the sink to drown out the sound (I know that I am not alone in this).

-On a side note: I read somewhere once that in Japan they actually make these devices that women can take into the restroom with them that make various chirping sounds while you pee. The sole purpose is to hide the sound of the pee. I don’t remember where I read this, but I’m about 68% sure that I read it somewhere, and didn’t just dream about it. Either way though, I think this is a fantastic idea. I wonder if it would work if I just tried to make my own chirping sounds while I’m in there. I’ll have to try that.

Anyway, my main point is this… In a world where I am already so far beyond my comfort zone, please don’t try to converse with me. Please. I promise, I’m a personable person, and if you would just let me get outside the restroom, I would appear much less cold and much more eager to talk. I don’t even like talking at the sink when you’re both done peeing and washing your hands. There’s a weird echo, and usually the sound of 2-4 other peers in the background. God did not intend this environment for fostering relationships.

However, if all of the above words fall on deaf ears, and you take nothing else away from this, please take this…

It is never ok to talk through a stall wall. Under no circumstances. I don’t care what the topic or occasion may be. If you talk through the wall to me, I am not focusing on the conversation, I’m thinking about how awkward this is and how best I can end it quickly.

About an hour ago I went to the restroom at work and there was a woman in there talking on her cell phone while in the stall. This just brought a whole new slew of questions to me. Does the person on the other end of the phone know that they are in the stall with her? And if so, are they ok with it? I am literally dumbfounded.


Angie said...

Oh girl! Just wait until you have kids. I think it's their favorite place to talk. Their voices are louder and they ask all of life's deep questions while in the stall. And don't get me started on the FLATTERING things my girls have told me whilst I do my business.

It's all charming, really.

Enjoy the days of visiting public restrooms alone. They're all a distant memory for me.

(And by the way... you CRACK me up.)

Abby said...

If we weren't already related, I'd want to be...

I can't agree with you enough on 'Restroom Etiquette,' as my friend MG and I talk about it OFTEN. I have a few other "mishaps" that will have to be shared sometime.

I love the way you write, too, you are hilarious!!

SabrinaT said...

In Japan we have toilets with a button on the side. It makes a flushing sound/or music while you do your business. The toilets have heated seats, and a refreshing spray (for after should you choose to use it). Also, there are no cracks and the door goes all the way to the floor. It is like being in a closet to pee.