Saturday, August 2, 2008

Needed: Bulletproof Spandex

Jason is a comic book fan boy through and through and has made it his mission to convert me. I have been an easy convert though; superheroes fascinate me. There’s just something about superheroes and super villains and stories of fantastic extremes that appeal to me. I have always loved stories. I love hearing people’s stories, I love telling stories, I love reading stories. And superheroes always come with stories. They always have some relatable history or back story that brought them to their current place and circumstance. They are generally average people who discover they have a gift, and are then forced to make a decision: to selflessly use their gift for the good of others, or selfishly use it for their own gain. It’s deep stuff really. And to top it all off, it’s wrapped up in a tight, colorful spandex package. Beautiful.

Well, with that said, I have an exciting announcement to make. Tonight at work, I discovered I have a gift. It was an average day at my average job, and when least expected, I saw It. That’s right, I found my superpower. Are you ready for it? Brace yourselves…

I have mastered the ability to make the little tiny hairs on my arms rise up and lie down on command, using sheer willpower.

I’ll let you soak that up for a minute. I know it’s a lot to wrap your mind around. I too was in disbelief.

I find myself now with an impossible choice to make: to serve the public, or to selfishly hoard this gift for myself. And of course if I chose the former, there’s a whole new plethora of decisions to follow. What will my alias be? What will my costume look like? Where do I find a tailor that specializes in spandex? Will I be a hero that is loved my millions, like Superman? Or will I hide in the shadows and be feared, like Batman? Do I need a PR agent?

I have a long journey ahead of me.

This edit added after initial publishing: I have decided on a name… Follicle Phantom (but my comic books will read “The Fearless Follicle Phantom”. You know, like “The Incredible Hulk” or “The Uncanny X-Men”).

1 comment:

Angie said...

No one else has commented on this?

You mean...

I'm the FIRST to congratulate you on your new powers?! The FIRST to address the famed Fearless Follicle Phantom?!

Molly, I expect a post soon with a sketch of your uniform. I'm sure you'll come up with something hair raisingly phantastic. And will you have a special vehicle? Perhaps an oversized hairdryer, complete with bathtub warning tags? Really, I think you're on to something.